Parents Matter Most

The sports landscape in our country has changed tremendously over the past thirty years. There are many positives represented in this change: more opportunities for all skill levels to play, more opportunities for girls, kids can play at younger ages, and many new sports continue to evolve. Overall, there are more opportunities than ever for kids to play sports. In fact, over 40 million kids are playing sports.

But there is some downside to our evolving sports culture. Over 30 percent of the kids playing today are dropping out by the time they are 13 years old. Professor Dan Gould from Michigan State University indicates the number one reason kids quit is because they are not having fun! Something doesn't seem right when millions of kids are not having fun playing sports.

It is interesting to listen to parents as they discuss the best way to assure a great experience for their children. Many search out the right coach, while some consider a team with the best chance to win. Others like to guide their child toward a sport they played best or liked best. But the number one influence on whether kids love their sports experience, or not, is parents' attitudes and behaviors.

Of course coaches, teammates, friends, and siblings carry weight, but parents' influence matters most. It is powerful to realize that what you think about your child is most important to them.

Here are a few thoughts to consider as a parent to help your child make the most of their sports participation, and perhaps a more enjoyable experience for Mom and Dad as well.

A Stay Focused Mentality

Allow your focus to stay on the positive aspects of playing sports, so that your children can do the same during difficult times. When I speak to sports parent groups, Moms and Dads discover the positive characteristics of their kids playing sports. I hear words like teamwork, responsibility, discipline, perseverance, health and fitness, and friendship. It is difficult to remind ourselves of the good when the game lights go on and the official says "play ball." It is normal for our emotions to run at a different level as we all want to win and want the best for our children. I used to carry notes in my pocket at my kids' games reminding myself of "the big picture."

Check the Pulse

Check from time to time to see if your child is having fun. If not, investigate why. Do not check after a bad performance or tough practice, but during a time that seems appropriate. Your child will tell you. Did you know one of the top principles of peak performance for athletes is "fun?" No matter if it is youth, college, or professional athletics, if an athlete is having fun they have a greater chance for peak performance.

Listening and Language

I received some great advice when my children were just beginning sports. The message was to not "coach" my kids on the way home after games. If you want to talk about the game, then let them bring it up. The advice worked instantly and made for better rides home—just ask my kids! It is tempting to want to give advice, probe, evaluate, analyze, and judge since we played and we know what is best. But we need to let our kids learn through their own experience and not dictate the experience for them. Most often we just need to listen to our kids and acknowledge their feelings. Listening combined with positive, amplifying feedback will help develop a more self-directed athlete and child.

Relationships

Sometimes we forget a valuable opportunity that sports offers for parent and child: to build relationships. There is much time invested in sports and hopefully that time spent fosters the relationship between you and your child. There is no status quo. Either your child's sports experience is strengthening the relationship or it is not. Which will it be for you?

Just a few weeks ago my daughter Lindsay walked off the track after her last organized sports performance. I noted a big smile on her face. On the way home I thought about one of the first events she ever competed in. Fifteen years ago she participated in a 1 mile run up the main boulevard in Boise at six years old. I met her in the middle of the race and, while running a few paces with her, told her she was doing great. She nodded with a big smile on her face. I will never forget that moment. It felt good to reflect as I realized, even though I made some mistakes, I can still smile at all the positives from her sports experience.

" What you are as a person is far more important than what you are as a basketball player."

—John Wooden

Tim Brady is Founder of SportsParentCoach.com; the Author of the new Sports Parenting Newsletter; a Former Youth and High School Coach; on the Board of Directors, Idaho Youth Sports Commission; a Coaches Coordinator, Optimist Youth Football; and a PCI Certified Parent Coach® (2008). Tim offers private, individual parent coaching, couples parent coaching, and parenting workshops. He also welcomes invitations to work with league and school parents. You can reach Tim at (208) 830-2574, by email to isgtim@clearwire.net, or by visiting www.SportsParentCoach.com and clicking "Contact Us."

Copyright © 2010 Tim Brady, all rights reserved. Used with permission.