Parent Express for 27-Apr-2007

Welcome to Parent Express, the PCI e-zine! Here you will find updates on the Parent Coaching Institute, along with ideas and practical tips for the parenting journey.

April is always a month of divergent emotions for me. As a reminder of the Columbine tragedy it carries with its warm spring beauty much sadness and often confusion. Now with the Virginia Tech horror, it seems that April will always be a marked month, a time for reflection and for renewal of commitment to help make the world a better place.

At the PCI, our hearts go out to the families who have lost loved ones. There is nothing we can say to alleviate the pain they are going through. Perhaps it is in what we continue to do that can give hope. This month we re-visit the issues of screen time and violent media entertainment. As most of you know, I have spent over twenty years addressing these issues and will spend the remainder of my life doing so—at least until "we get it right" and live in a mature relationship with all screen technologies.

Our featured article is by Liz Patterson, a PCI student from Park City, Utah. Liz shares with us how her parents "got it right" with TV and video and explains all her mom and dad did to make her childhood so wonderful. Now she passes that dedicated legacy to her own children!

Under Parenting Tip, you will find a book review of one of the most important books to come out on the issue of violent video games: Violent Video Game Effects on Children and Adolescents: Theory, Research, and Public Policy by Craig Anderson, Douglas Gentile, and Katherine Buckley (Oxford University Press, 2007). It is a book for every home and Parent Resource Center. Buy it today!

Many Blessings to You and Your Family,

Gloria DeGaetano, Founder and CEO

"Through the PCI training, I have made a transformational change, for I have truly changed both inside and outside. I look forward to developing a coaching practice, and hopefully, being a transformational change agent for others."—Barb Bushey, South Lyon, Michigan

"Do you know how many friendships are owed to you through what you have created? Aside from the changes your PCI coaches have made in the lives of their clients, you have also enabled all of us to make wonderful lasting friendships with really amazing women. That is also changing the world, Gloria. You are amazing and I treasure knowing you." —Connie Anderson, Bellevue, Washington

"Thank you! I love the content of the course and I have to say, I am now ever more honored to be a part of your team, Gloria. Thank you for granting me this opportunity."—Rasmegh Phlaphongphanich, Bangkok, Thailand

If you feel a calling to work with moms and dads in an innovative way; or if you are already working with parents and want to discover exciting ideas, fresh approaches and new tools to add to your experience, contact us. We require candidates to have an undergraduate degree and at least two years of either professional or volunteer experience working with parents in such capacities as a teacher, parent educator, counselor, mental health professional, social worker or community health worker.

Save by Applying Now!
Applications are now being taken for entrance Summer Quarter with phone classes for Course 1 beginning the third week of June 2007. The $100.00 application fee plus $500 off tuition will be waived for applications received before May 15, 2007. A savings of $600!

Application deadline for Summer entrance is June 1, 2007. Acceptance into the program is determined on a first-come, first-served basis because spaces are limited. Serious candidates are encouraged to get the basic application in as soon as possible. Transcripts and letters of reference can follow the basic application by a few weeks. Download the application here.

For more information please call: (425) 401-1519 or email info@thepci.com.

Learn more about our acclaimed, graduate-level, distance-learning Parent Coach Certification® Program by clicking here for more information.

Check out our Video About the PCI Parent Coach Training Program and see what professionals think about their training with the PCI.

Working with a parent coach who has received Parent Coach Certification® through the PCI is giving yourself a valuable gift as well as a sound investment in your family's future. PCI Certified Parent Coaches® are caring, thoughtful professionals with years of experience working with parents. They have successfully completed the PCI Parent Coach Certification® Training Program—a comprehensive academic one-year, graduate-level program in collaboration with Seattle Pacific University. Through a series of coaching conversations that can be either by telephone or in person, PCI Parent Coaches help you re-discover your dreams and design your life for more joy and satisfaction.

To find a PCI Parent Coach in your area, please click here or call (425) 401-1519 for a referral to a PCI Parent Coach selected especially for you.

New Podcasts Include:

Supporting Your Child's Brain Development—Popular and loved Northwest parent educator, Lynn Faherty (PCI Certified Parent Coach^®) gives important information with wit and wisdom—always with a deep understanding of what parents deal with on a day-to-day basis. As an instructor in the Home and Family Life Department at Bates Technical College, she shares inspiring true stories of moms and dads who find the time to focus on their children's developmental needs—despite stresses and demanding schedules. Lynn gives extremely practical, do-able strategies that make big differences in behavior, attention span, motivation, and the emotional well-being of our children and teens.

The Benefits of PCI Parent Coaching to Moms and Dads—Debby Weidner, PCI Certified Parent Coach^® of Parent Ease Coaching, discusses the innovative aspects of the PCI parent coaching services to moms and dads. She explains how she works with parents to give them a "special space" to allow them to think, reflect, and prioritize—clearing their minds to feel refreshed and invigorated in their parenting. Debby has worked with parents for over 20 years in a variety of capacities. In the discussion she explains that there are many ways to parent well, sharing some of the ways she catalyzes positive changes with families. She tells what she gained from the year-long training with the PCI, underscoring her passion "to help parents create the life they want with their children."

Mindfulness in Parenting—"Hurry up, let's go!" How many times have we said that? It can seem overwhelming at times to slow down with our children when there is so much to do in a day. But when we give ourselves permission to do so, there are many gifts waiting for us—one of them being getting to know our children better. Bridgid Normand, PCI Certified Parent Coach^® and curriculum writer for Committee for Children, who has over 20 years working with parents as a counselor and coach, explains how we can begin to slow down with the little things, gradually reaping big benefits by doing so. Bridgid has studied mindfulness and all its aspects for several decades and has a wealth of information. She gives several specific strategies even the busiest parent can do!

You can download these podcasts (and a dozen more besides!) for free from the Parent Appreciation Radio Web site or via iTunes.

Reflections on My Parents Who "Parented Well in a Media Age"

by Elizabeth Patterson, PCI Parent Coach in Training, Park City, Utah

First, I have to say how much your book Parenting Well in a Media Age—Keeping Our Kids Human has affected not only my own parenting and my future coaching, but also my whole perspective about my own childhood. Reading and studying it has given me a real paradigm shift. I am second in a family of eight children. I often thought my parents a little odd and backward, and even felt I had a deprived childhood at times. I don't remember going to Disneyland or out for hamburgers. We had only one small black-and-white TV, the use of which was limited to one program a day maximum. My parents had us gather 'round for Scrabble, Scripture reading, and math games, and irritatingly played classical music around the house—even opera! Even though we were financially well off, my Mom wore less-than-fashionable but comfortable and practical styles like a big warm puffy coat that made me cringe when she came to see me cheerlead at high school basketball games. She liked to sew many of my clothes, and insisted we take our own healthy snacks with us to the circus instead of buying popcorn and soda. And even though we had two cars, my Dad rode his bike any place he could—where all my friends could see—and my parents refused to drive me to the High School which was close to a mile away, saying I could walk or bike. My weekly assignment to vacuum Widow Hogard's tiny home as she walked behind me holding my elbow the whole time wasn't exactly a social highlight. Instead of going out with friends on New Year's Eve like most other parents, my parents said they preferred to be with their children. I was embarrassed by how out-of-the-ordinary our family was, but my parents seemed to get a kick out of being different. Their theme song, which they sang out loud, was "Side by Side." One year we moved up to the mountains for the summer, and built a log cabin together, while all my friends were tanning at the neighborhood pool. Most unusual of all, my parents between them took time to read to every one of us pretty much every night—up into our teen years, and most of that time was one-on-one. On nights they didn't read, Mom would quote poetry to us as she rubbed our backs with her rough hands.

As I got a bit older, I learned that my childhood wasn't as bad as I had thought it had been, and realized that I actually appreciated and had gained from many things that had seemed a bit out of the ordinary. I came to treasure my parents' idiosyncrasies. But it wasn't until I read and really thought about your book Parenting Well that I had a life-changing "Aha!" I began to appreciate how truly inspired and forward-thinking my parents had been in many ways. It's almost as if they had used your book as a parenting guide (in their own special way)! They certainly weren't perfect parents, and made at least their share of mistakes, but I realize that, in a unique way, they met and taught us how to meet real human needs. Even though we children still smilingly shake our heads about Mom and Dad fairly often, we are all happily-married parents, productive, self-actualized and "media literate." I'm also seeing that their 28 grandchildren and future great-great grandchildren will benefit from their against-the-current but human-need-filling legacy, from the "personally generated culture" they created for all of us. This gives me great hope as a parent coach in being able to influence and be a catalyst for change in this "industry-generated culture" we live in, for "when we meet the real human needs of one person, it rubs off on all those he or she meets…As we practice and model the importance of the Vital Five…we create a second, human culture…a personally generated culture." (pp. 216-217)

I'm so excited about realizing what a "good job" my parents actually did! Thank you for helping me see that! I want to use the first part of this paper to explore how my own parents' use of the Vital 5 outlined in Parenting Well "immunized" not just the eight of us, but also our combined 28 children against the current media culture and its challenges for today's kids.

Even though our parents embarrassed us, all of us kids did feel a strong "loving parent-child bond." (p.59) Although we thought it was weird that they would rather spend time with us than their friends, we did feel important. Not only did spending time with them help us feel confident and secure, it also helped us intellectually by "linking learning to emotional bonding experiences early on." (p.69) Being one-on-one with a parent reading aloud every night give us a love of books and reading, and our parents' affirmations as we played family math games like "Woofff 'n Proof" made us think we were very smart. A sentence in your book characterizes an aspect of my parents during my stormy teen years: "Even if (teens) disagree with us, they won't lose respect for us if we stay true to what we believe is in their best interest." (p. 86) I remember a night my friends came to pick me up for a school dance, my father calmly but firmly told them I couldn't go because I hadn't done my chores. I ranted and cried, but he wouldn't budge. As I started to slam dishes as I washed them with tears streaming down my face, I realized my Dad was helping me, and he continued to help me with my chores throughout the evening, talking and joking with me. As he exercised his "authentic authority" (p. 82), by enforcing consequences but keeping the relationship primary, I knew he had my happiness and best interest at heart, and I had never respected him more. This respect helped "immunize" me against unhealthy media even then; I did sneak into a few R-rated movies, but sensing the disappointment my parents would feel if they knew kept me from continuing to go to violent movies with my friends.

Read the Rest of the Article…

Weasie Stewart, from Houston, Texas, a PCI Student to receive her Parent Coach Certification® in June, has launched her Web site: Open Arms Coaching.

"Open Arms Coaching is a parent coaching service primarily for "older" parents, defined as thirtysomething and above, who are raising young children and want to reintegrate their lives to increase the joy of parenting and achieve self-fulfillment."

If you are interested in understanding more about parent coaching, please contact Weasie at (972) 392-2779. As Weasie puts it:

"Star atheletes need coaches. So do actors, singers, public speakers, and professionals in myriad other fields. With all that is at stake in parenting, you deserve access to the same type of guidance, support, and expertise. A coach can help you achieve your goals and perform at the top of your game in every facet of your life."

Gloria DeGaetano's book, Parenting Well in a Media Age, is now available in Turkish. Translated by Dr. Nilufer Ocel, professor of communications at the University of Istanbul, the book has been enthusiastically received by parents and professionals in Turkey.

Back to Childhood's Innocence: Children's Play in Today's World,
presented Dr. Luminita Dumenescu, professor, University of Cluj, Romania.

Workshop, Friday, June 8, 8:30 AM–3:00 PM
Where: Conference Center at Bellefield Office Park, Bellevue, Washington
Cost: $105.00, includes lunch.
To register, please call the PCI at (425) 401-1519.
Registration deadline June 1.

Dr. Dumenescu will present her research conducted in Romania from both rural and urban areas that help us to understand the distinctions between how parents and children view specific issues associated with children's play. She will share recent theories and present negative influences including the impact of media. Dr. Dumenescu, a leading scholar in this area, will discuss what is being done to improve the lives of children and what we must do better and do more of to ensure a quality life for all children--both in Romania and in the United States. Join us for an intellectually stimulating and inspiring day!

Note from Salem, Oregon

Dear Gloria,

I…just wanted to drop you a note of thanks for your incredible presentations at Chemeketa. We can't wait to have you back! On so many levels what you had to say was profoundly significant. I want every parent and teacher to learn what you're teaching us. I was thoroughly challenged and stimulated by the presentations and thrilled that our parents and college students could participate.

I am so grateful for the work you're doing. You are the perfect messenger for what you have to teach—thoughtful, warm, caring, personal, professional, and articulate.

Thank you for all you give. I look forward to seeing you again.

My best,
Randy Fishfader, Instructor
Chemeketa Community College
Salem, Oregon

To engage Gloria DeGaetano for a keynote or workshop, contact her at (425) 401-1519 or (888) 559-4447.

A Necessary Guide for Parents and Parent Educators Violent Video Game Effects on Children and Adolescents is an indispensable tool for parents and professionals who want to have important knowledge to make wise decisions about video game use in the lives of children and teens. One of the most exasperating challenges about trying to communicate about the negative effects of violent video games is that well-intentioned adults often say, "But the verdict is not in yet on whether violent video game play is all that harmful. Video games are too new to have acquired any compelling data." Anderson, Gentile, and Buckley comprehensively slice through this, and other inaccurate and misleading arguments, that have been used to prevent parents, professionals, and policy-makers to deal productively with this critical issue. Divided into three parts, the book can be picked up at any juncture to enlighten the reader on the complexities of interpreting the research and in understanding violent video game play in the context of bio-social and developmental factors. Part 1, The Introduction, provides a background on the history of violent video games; a well-documented summary of the effects of exposure to violent media entertainment, with clear definitions of physical, verbal and relational aggression, and important considerations of three types of research methodologies. This section also describes The General Aggression Model—a model developed by Anderson, Bushman, Carnagey, and Huesmann (p. 40) to integrate ideas from earlier models and to help distinguish between variables and processes that operate in immediate contexts and those that operate over a long-term. Part 2 explains and discuses three new studies that "were designed to address knowledge gaps in the video game research literature." (p. 59) Part 3, General Discussion (What Does it All Mean?) provides critical links between theory, practice, and public policy, providing even more reasons for urgent action at both micro and macro levels. The authors begin with, and consistently keep, a refreshingly honest and clear approach. For instance, Anderson and his colleagues call "a duck a duck" and discuss the c-word—causality—with academic rigor grounded in common sense. Critics of violent media research like to remind us that we can never establish causality. But the authors refute this argument eloquently by helping us understand the probabilistic nature of causality: "The old Logic 101 principles regarding the establishment of a factor as being necessary and sufficient cause of an effect simply don't apply to most modern science (Anderson & Bushman, 2002c). We know that smoking tobacco causes an increase in the likelihood that one will contract lung cancer, but not everyone who smokes gets cancer, and some who don't smoke get lung cancer. The probabilistic nature of modern science is largely due to the fact that multiple causal factors are involved in most medical, psychological, and behavioral phenomena. And for this reason, the old necessary and sufficient rules simply do not apply. Thus every time people argue that violent video games can't be considered causes of aggression because they have played such games and haven't killed anyone is committing a major reasoning error, applying the 'sufficient' rule to a multiple cause phenomenon. A similarly invalid argument is that the reduction in U. S. homicide rates during the 1990s—while violent video games were becoming more prevalent—proves that violent video games can't cause increases in aggression. This argument assumes either that violence is not caused by multiple factors, or that those factors are unchanging over time. Neither assumption is true (consider, for example, changes in overall incarceration rates, federal gun registration laws, drug use patterns, age distribution of the population, poverty rates, employment patterns, war), rendering the argument so weak as to be embarrassing." (p. 21) Read the rest of the review…